i.have.a.fear

I hate public speaking. I always have and I am afraid I always will. This is one of those fears that I would LOVE to get rid of, however, I am so not willing to do what it takes to conquer it. I even hate talking in small groups around a lunch table. Any more than 3 pair of eyes looking at me while I speak is enough to make my palms sweat.

After thinking about how many potential eyes are looking at what I write makes me anxious. Therefore, I will be going private so PLEASE leave me your email address if you look at my blog. Even if I don't know you very well (I blog-stalk, too, and I'm not ashamed of it). I really want to keep in touch with all of you, it's just scary not knowing who is looking in on my life!

xoxo

Have I no heart?

When I was younger, I used to get teary-eyed when I saw people on the streets begging for money. I thought that the people who didn't give all the cash in their wallets were horrible human beings for not helping a homeless person get dinner. Part of me is still the overly-trusting, naive, if you will, person that I was as a child.

About three months ago, Tannon and I were approached by a young girl (about my age) with a stroller. She came up to me and very politely said, "I am so sorry, I sincerely hate to bother you, but my husband and I got evicted today and all of the homeless shelters are full because it's so cold and I just really need a warm place to stay tonight, for my baby. We will be okay, hopefully the shelter will open up and we will try again tomorrow, but could you please spare some money to help us get a motel for the night?" My heart was broken. I could relate so well with this girl. She was very normal looking and had a baby for crying out loud. I trusted her. I worried about her the rest of the night.

So, the other week my friend from work came in and was telling me about a girl, with a baby (which, by the way, neither of us actually saw the baby), who had just got evicted and was turned away from homeless shelters. It was the same girl who I had sincerely worried about and spent a lot of time thinking and hoping that everything turned out okay for her and her family. And here she is, 3 months later pulling the same crap on my friend. I felt betrayed. I had trusted this girl who was so sincere and apologetic for taking my time. I believed her.

I have seen this girl approach several other people since and my heart has turned hard & callused. Since I work downtown and ride TRAX, I get asked for money about 4 or 5 times a day from different people. I honestly can't trust these people anymore and find myself feeling resentful. I hate that this world has become so corrupt that it forces people not to trust.

Crockpot Chili

It feels as though we are in the heart of December again with all of this snow! Here is a recipe for some crockpot chili, if you're into that thing. I made it a couple of days ago and it was super easy and very delicious. I recommend breadsticks with it. Enjoy.



Crockpot Chili

2 onions, chopped
2 cloves garlic (I use the minced kind that comes in a jar)
1 lb. lean hamburger
2 Tbs. chili powder
cumin to taste (I leave this out)
2 cans (16 oz. ea.) tomatoes
2 cans tomato soup
2 cans kidney beans, drained
salt and pepper to taste
optional: shredded cheese and/or sour cream for topping

Cook onions and garlic in 2 Tbs. oil until onions are yellow. Add hamburger and cook until browned. Stir in chili powder and optional cumin; cook 2 minutes more. Meanwhile, in crockpot, combine remaining ingredients. Stir in browned meat mixture. Cover and cook on Low setting for 8-10 hours.

Top with optional shredded cheese and/or sour cream, if desired.

Note: This can be made on top of the stove, too. Let it cook for 1 hour, but stir, so it doesn't stick to the bottom (this is the nice part of using a CP. . . no need to worry about sticking).

Stop Lights are the Devil

Tannon got me a road bike for Christmas. I was so excited to try it out, but since Christmas falls in December, that wasn't gonna happen anytime soon. January came and went and since the temperatures are pretty warm for February and the snow is mostly gone in the valley, I couldn't resist. I decided to hop on my new road bike and ride to work. Since only mountain bikes were allowed in my house until now, I have never worn clip-in shoes. *I think clipping in while mountain biking is absolute suicide*

Tannon was really worried (so was I, but pretending to be confident) so he decided to come out front and watch me ride off. I got my first food clipped in, but while I was trying to get my second foot clipped in, I just fell over with the bike landing on top of me (Berger's, I hope you were looking out your window... If not, you really missed out on some comic relief). Tannon was laughing hysterically and we were both just shaking our heads even at the thought of me riding this to work. But, I was determined.

Off I go. I'm getting really confident, thinking this is a breeze. I come to my first stop light and clip out and put my foot down. SUCCESS! Now I'm really feeling good. Until the next stop light. I can tell that I'm going to have to stop, so I clip my foot out before I come to a stop so that I'll be ready in time. So, I put my foot down and the dang clip was so slippery that my leg slipped out from under me, and all of a sudden... here I am laying on the street with my bike on top of me.... again. This time was worse, though, because no one was there to laugh about it with! The cars who were stopped next to me, I'm sure were really worried about me but I wasn't about to make eye contact with them. So, I pick myself back up and try to clip both feet in again and start petaling, realizing I'm not going anywhere. My dang chain had come off! Good thing I hurried and clipped out before falling in the same freaking spot.

I finally made it to work and now I'm seriously dreading getting back on that weapon to go home. Maybe I'll sleep here tonight.